Some people courageously go sky-diving, I courageously go out to a crowded, noisy restaurant and meet my exchanges. But courage, just like taking risks is relative. In my group of friends I was always known as the “anxious one,” or as I was one time appropriately named, “phobic-a-phobia”. I would never have considered myself a courageous person growing up, and in fact, it still feels slightly uncomfortable. This invaluable and kind piece of advice speaks to the very part of my that doubts and subsequently denies me courage. “speak like you believe you’re worth hearing because you are.” A friend in recovery recently told me to, Through treatment, I’ve regained a sense of courage which has helped me engage in vulnerability and autonomy, two essential components to developing a powerful voice.
I entered what I self-proclaim, the dangerous “I don’t know headspace,” where I have no opinion about anything and am not able to label or identify how or what I am feeling. My eating disorder completely took it away and squashed it as if it never had any worthy substance. I’ve been on an epic search for my voice since I relapsed. Embracing courage and my voice are more meaningful than striving to embrace how many ribs I can see in my back as I rotate my body in different positions while looking in the mirror. They serve as a daily reminder that I don’t need to body check as I get dressed every morning. Today’s mindful monday image is an important one to me. These two mantras, “I am courageous” and “I have a voice” are currently written on a post it, thumb tacked to a piece of cork board on our bedroom wall that now resides in place of a mirror. So at least we’re on track with that one… It is hard shit…AMIRIGHT?! This blog endeavor is certainly the most vulnerable we’ve made ourselves in terms of sharing our stories, but from what I’ve been told, there’s a radiating vulnerability that is inherent to every creative endeavor. As the first mindful monday post since our blog launched yesterday (yay!), I thought it was only appropriate to focus on the courage it takes in general, to make oneself vulnerable. First and foremost, I want to wish everyone a happy Monday! Thanks for comin’ back and joining us.